Posts Tagged ‘fear’

Posted on January 27, 2011 - by Regina

EXTREME COMFORT?

Comfort zones. The Princess in “The Princess and the Pea” knew all about comfort. That’s how they judged whether or not she was a “real” princess.

Like most of my cohorts, I’m not crazy about extremes. I don’t like to read or watch things that I know will make me cry, or will scare me. Like the movie “Titanic,” I saw it once and will never watch it again. To me, life’s too short to spend time on things I don’t enjoy. The princess and I? We see eye-to-eye.

So . . . why don’t I spend MORE time on what I DO enjoy? Like writing? Why do I complain when I have a synopsis to write, and why do I get that scary feeling when I think of starting that next manuscript?

Because I’ve let myself become immersed in the comfort zone of always having that little bit more work to do on the first manuscript.

God isn’t standing over me with a club, forcing me to write. I chose to do this, which was totally out of my comfort zone at the time. Joining that first writing group, my beloved Scribblers, was stepping a toe out of my comfort zone, because I really hadn’t admitted to anyone, before that, an interest in publication.

Joining ACFW and entering contests had my whole foot out of my comfort zone. Going to a local writing workshop and the instructor actually asking me about my progress in FRONT of people? I thought I would just die, but I took a deep breath and gave a report, surprising everyone in attendance.

GOING to ACFW would not have been possible had it not been for that cushion of friends that I knew would be there for me. Sleeping four to a room in a normal-sized hotel room was actually comforting for me. Now I know how puppies feel.

Talking to an actual agent and editor scared me to death. But I did it, and was proud of myself, afterward. I didn’t hyperventilate or cry even once.

So what’s my problem?

I’m ready for that next step out of my comfort zone. I was asked for a synopsis and full manuscript, so since September, I’ve polished and polished AND POLISHED, and today I put together a synopsis.

The next step? Hitting SEND. It’s much easier for me to encourage OTHERS to hit “send” than to contemplate doing it myself.

Does anybody else have my story? No. If they did, would they write it the same way I have? No. God made me unique in every way. So much for the comfort zone. He never intended us to live there. It’s for sure He never has. He sent his Son to live totally outside His comfort zone so that He could redeem us.

Why? Because he loves us. For God so loved the world (that’s us), that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever (us, again) believes in Him will have everlasting life. – John 3:16 NIV.

Thank you, God. You nudge me out of my comfort zone one step at a time, just far enough that I don’t lose sight of You.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10 NIV

Posted on January 28, 2010 - by Regina

POSITIVELY HEART-WARMING . . .

Thoughts that warm my heart . . . wow.

Not an easy subject, especially this time of year. As most of us have written, it’s been C-O-L-D this week, the weather hasn’t been cooperative, studies are showing that this is the most depressing week in the year, and all this leads to that overwhelming feeling of doubt and fear.

So you want me to tell you what warms my heart? If I tell you, I’m afraid (there’s that word again) I’ll be stumbling into the forest of “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” Glass half empty . . . Eeyore . . .  But maybe not . . . Maybe if I think really hard . . .

1.  Snuggling on the couch with my husband while it snows outside, no sound but the gentle “hiss” of the gas logs and the occasional tapping at the keys of a computer or the gentle whoosh of a page being turned.

We haven’t had a “good” snow day this year. And to me, the first sign of a GOOD one is if everything has to shut down. Being in a small southern town, that’s not as unlikely as it would be in a larger town – but that doesn’t take into consideration that my husband, now a school administrator, is more liable to be there whether or not “everything” is shut down or not. It may or may not happen but either way, the possibility always warms my heart.

2.  A daily walk along a deserted beach, the sun gently warming my skin as I lift my face into the breeze off the ocean.

I was treated to a week of this, this past summer, in South Carolina. The beach was never truly deserted, but one afternoon, after a pop thunderstorm, my husband and I walked on an almost deserted beach as the sun set underneath a bank of clouds. Just thinking about it warms my heart.

3.  Holding a sleeping infant.

I was fortunate to be at home with my babies. My oldest loved to be rocked to sleep, so that was a given. My youngest did NOT, but she was born in January, so those blessed early months were wonderfully full of snuggling. Now, at 15 and 20, they are both snugglers. That warms my heart.

4.  Hearing your child make a declaration about pursuing excellence that you know comes from deep within. She really gets it.

“I didn’t REALIZE there was a band above mine, or I would have auditioned for it!” She was first-chair oboe, as a Freshman, in the All-District Honor “Concert” Band. Who knew there was a “Symphonic” band?

5.  Walking into a freshly-vacuumed house.

This probably warms my heart as much as anything, because not only do I have the knowledge that my family loves and cares for me, but I get to rest in a clean house. Yes, it may seem like a small thing, but it definitely warms my heart.

I read a devotional recently that spoke of “gracious uncertainty,” and focused on Romans 5:5—“And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

Life is full of disappointments, but hope has no part in that. God has given us a way out of disappointments, but He has also given us the freedom to CHOOSE whether or not to be disappointed.

Some days I choose disappointment over the love He has for me. That’s unfortunate. Then a day comes along that I have to stop and seriously THINK about what warms my heart. That’s when I know that God’s grace has seen me through more than just cold weather and times when I think life’s simply not fair.

Life is NOT fair, but we have a God who loves us even when we think the glass is half empty. We have a God who has offered us eternal life. We just have to accept it.

THAT warms my heart.

Posted on January 25, 2010 - by Kim

Grasshopperitis

Have you ever noticed that the giants in life seem bigger and meaner in winter? Perhaps it is the long nights when the sky seems more ebony than midnight blue. Perchance it is the shorter days who’s skies are the color of ice. Or maybe it is the chill that screws in and attaches to your very bones.  Of course it could be something of a more human design that makes the giants appear more like the mountain troll in Harry Potter than the gentle souls like Hagrid.

Let’s face it, there is more potential for giants to rear their heads when Christmas bills meet professional dues payment deadlines with the taxman looming on the horizon. Like winter winds meeting water, it can make for some slippery situations. Suddenly, those giants we faced as bravely as David make us cower like ten of the spies Moses sent into the Promised Land.

You remember the story. Moses sent twelve men into the Promised Land. Joshua and Caleb return extolling the beauty and bounty of the land while the other ten warn of terrible giants that could stomp the Israelites as easily as one could stomp a grasshopper. In their eyes, there was absolutely no way a rag-tag band of refugees from Egypt could hope to defeat the biggie-sized inhabitants and claim the land. Nope. Nada. Not in a million years.

Grasshopperitis. That’s the diagnosis my pastor gave those ten in his sermon two weeks ago. The feeling of being so small and insignificant that nothing was possible. The same diagnosis I dare say a number of us would get if we were honest with ourselves. Instead of giants of the human kind, our impossible obstacles may be the mounting bills we see no way to pay. Or the chronic illness we can’t possible handle. Or the looming deadline we can’t possibly meet even if we forgo sleep, food AND trips to the loo.

But take heart people! There is a cure. A quite simple one that the ten spies…and us…overlook. What is that cure you ask?

God.

With God, nothing is impossible. You see, He’s bigger than the giants, the boogie man and the tax collector.  While we may be grasshoppers in the shadow of the towering obstacles, He is the foot that will stomp the giants and clear a path straight to the rivers flowing with milk and the mountains streaming with honey. All we have to do is trust.

So friends, when the winter winds shake the windows and the night is so dark you couldn’t see a giant if he was standing three feet in front of you, take heart. Look up. Way up. Past the ebony sky sprinkled with tiny stars and a moon that seems a billion miles away. Look up and trust. For with God, everything is possible.

Posted on January 14, 2010 - by Regina

ANOTHER NEW YEAR? GREAT . . . .

I always approach reading each day’s Inkspirational Messages blog with excitement, and, I admit it, a bit of trepidation. Why? Because I know that while they all make me smile, they also make me THINK. 

I’m saying that like thinking is a BAD thing? Well, it’s not, but sometimes it FEELS like a bad thing. Especially when you start stepping on toes—particularly MINE! 

Goals, resolutions . . . these have always been scary to me, because, like some of you have said, many times they’re destined for disappointment. When I think of goals and resolutions, I prefer to think of them like the Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean) approach to the pirate code. “They’re more like guidelines, really.”  

But then I get to the nitty-gritty. What am I afraid of? Why do I approach my life’s call the way I do? What is my purpose? Can I really DO this ?

After reading Kim’s blog the other day, I was finally, after about three weeks of writing little to NOTHING, inspired to write what was on my heart. What was on my heart was a spirit of fearfulness. The only way to face it was to do what a writer does—pour it out on paper.

 

FEAR

I have this friend who knows me better than I know myself.
She’s not someone I really like to hang out with,
But she’s always there, hovering in the background, making herself comfortable

When I’m having a good day, she’s standing there, arms crossed, ready to argue
That it’s NOT really a good day, after all.
She’ll give me that “look,” that tells me I’ve got it wrong all over again.
She doesn’t say anything on those days,
But simply shakes her head in disdain as my heart fills with doubt.

Why do I put up with her?
Why do I call her “friend?”
Why don’t I just call a halt to this out-of control relationship?

Because she’s me.
She’s that part of me that never REALLY thinks I can do it.
That is always afraid “they” will find out I’m a fraud.
That I’m not really as good as “they” say I am.

Her name is fear, also known as self-doubt,
Also known as insecurity, also known as defeat.

How can I overcome this part of me?
Can I pray it through? Yes.
Can I count on God to take this annoying little voice away? Yes.

Then why is she still here?
Because I keep calling her back.
I keep on reaching out to her,
Just in case she’s all I have when all is said and done.

So, I continue to nurture her.
I send her away,
Only to have her face flash in my mind at the most inopportune moments.
I don’t let her win;
But I don’t make her lose, either.

Fear.
What am I afraid of?
At times, pretty much everything.

Are you fearful? I know I am. This is a journey unlike any other I’ve faced before. It threatens to expose the innermost part of me that before now only God has seen. That’s scary. But it’s also the only way I can truly open myself up to God, truly trust and depend on Him, and truly become a usable tool for Him.

May we all, in this year of our LORD 2010, become the tools HE wants us to be.

Posted on November 4, 2009 - by Brenda Anderson

Conflicting Fear

What do I fear most?

Hmmm. Just a few weeks back, my pastor asked the very same question. The answer that popped into my head was confusing and conflicting. In just a moment, you’ll see why.

Over the past week and a half, I’ve read of other’s fears and considered them.

I grew up in a spooky old house—a century old farmhouse that relentlessly creaked and moaned. Mice, spiders, and even bats shared the space with us, whether we wanted them there or not. So, I guess I’m used to that. Often, when I walked into our barn, I was greeted by spiders, bodies plump as grapes, clinging to intricate spider webs.  I get the shivers just thinking about them, but it’s more of a creep factor than fear.

The drive home after watching Amityville Horror was also creepy. On the way to drop off a friend, we rode through woods whose gnarly tree limbs ached to grab onto you, and over pitted gravel roads that relentlessly shouted turn back! Still, I don’t consider that true fear.

When I did a 360 on an ice-coated I-94, with my infant daughter in the car, that was a heart-stopping experience. But, a quick pull to the side of the freeway, accompanied with a few minutes of deep breaths and whispered praises, my heart resuscitated.

If I’m honest, there are two things that truly and consistently scare me.

Standing out in a crowd. I do notwant to be the center of attention. I absolutely shiver at the thought of all eyes focused on me. I’m definitely more comfortable in an ensemble where I can blend in. But God isn’t interested in our comfort, is He? Through a high school teacher, God encouraged me to join the speech team. I wasn’t very good, but the experience was invaluable. When my children were very young, I worked for a direct sales company and sold products at home parties, and even did quite well. Now, God’s got me writing words on a blog that the whole world can read, and He’s got me hawking a new product—my novels. Now, that’s scary. Again, waaaay out of my comfort zone. Can’t I write just for Him and not worry if anyone else reads it?

His answer is no.

God continuously pulls me out of the choir and gives me a solo—literally. My knees may shake, and my voice may wobble, but God is there in my fear, encouraging me in my weakness.

Then there’s my other fear:

Not being noticed. Yeah, I know, it doesn’t make a lot of sense does it? I’m an introvert and somewhat of a social misfit. (Think Data on Star Trek.) Mingle, to me, is a four-letter word. As I said above, I’m comfortable blending in with the wallpaper, and I’m very adept at it.  But, am I happy there? Not really. We all want to be noticed. We all have an innate desire to know that we have value and a purpose. When we become invisible, our purpose disappears along with us. So, God nudges me away from the wall and encourages me to say “hi.” Again, my knees knock and my heart palpitates, but God is right there holding my hand, reminding me I’m never alone.

When I think about it, what do I really have to fear?

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9