Posted on September 2, 2009 - by Dawn Ford
A Daughter In Disguise.
Men! All of my life I have been surrounded by men. Disgusting habit wheedling, dirty sock wearing, testosterone pumping creatures. I grew up with three older brothers, had more male cousins than female ones and ended up having, yep-you know it… three boys.
I spent most of my pregnancy months in prayer for a daughter. I ignored all the opinions of the ultrasound techs and doctors who all stated, “Congratulations, it’s a boy!” Bah, humbug. It seemed to me that everyone I knew (at least those I cared to count in my mind) could have daughters. My husband’s sister Lori had two, Nichol and Heather, both blue eyed blondes just like I prayed for. I loved my nieces, but surely God wasn’t listening to me.
My husband didn’t want any more children, but seven years after my middle son Dylan was born, I talked John into trying to have that girl. I vowed if God didn’t give me a daughter then, I knew He was telling me no. Colton was born in September of 2000. God succinctly told me no; there was no more denying it.
Back in the fall of 1994 my sister-in-law Lori died in a horrible car accident. She left behind her then 4 and 6 year old daughters with a father who was unable to take care of them. They ended up in the care of his mother and step-father.
Two years after Lori died, my mother-in-law died leaving us to care for John’s disabled father Ronnie. We stayed in close touch with the girls, keeping them for birthdays, holidays and anytime we were able. We maintained a close relationship with them, and between Ronnie and his granddaughters. Then three years ago John’s dad along with his grandmother died, both a day apart. To make matters worse, their grandfather (their father’s step-dad), whom the girls were very close to, died a few months later.
It was a dark time for all of us, but mostly for the girls, whose lives began to unravel. Their grandmother’s health began to decline and the girls began to rebel. We were finally told some of the incidents that were happening and in a swift moment of decision became the guardians of Heather. Having lived on her own and after making many bad choices, Nichol moved in shortly thereafter. The girls had a tough time fitting into my strict/religious household. I didn’t know if they were going to love me or hate me because I stood firm on what I thought was right. I questioned the reasons why I stepped in to take over for a spirited and headstrong 16 year old, and allowed a wild 18 year old to come live with us.
One afternoon Heather asked if she could call me mom. She was so young when her mom and John’s mom died that she didn’t remember them much, and she and her guardian grandmother had never really seen eye to eye. She told me she knew I was doing what I thought was right for her, even though she fought it. I was the closest thing she would come to having a real mother. I cried.
Now every mother’s day and on my birthday I can count on Heather to call me, give me a card or take me out. She still calls me mom. I do many mother-daughter things with both her and Nichol and am a surrogate grandmother to Nichol’s children Ryan and Olivia.
I know it’s not what I asked for, but it’s what He gave me. It is more precious than gold. My unexpected blessing. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
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September 2, 2009
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Regina said:
I’m so glad you were there for them, Dawn! Isn’t it amazing how God knows exactly what we need, and exactly where we will be needed? Thank you for sharing your precious story.
Regina
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September 2, 2009
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Brenda Anderson said:
I love how God always answers our prayers. He put that desire in your heart, then fulfilled it in His own spectacular way.
Thank you for sharing your story, and for being an inspiration to your daughters and to us.
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September 2, 2009
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Dawn Ford said:
Thank you Regina and Brenda. It has been an interesting road, to say the least.
I agree. God answers our prayers, not in our time and not with how we think they should be answered. But He does it in such a spectacular way, we can only stand back and be amazed.
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September 2, 2009
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Lorna Seilstad said:
Not only could I not imagine you and John without Colton, but I can’t imagine it with out the girls. Your “daughters” are so blessed to have you in their life. You have been there for them through it all, and I know not all of it has been easy.
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September 2, 2009
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Dawn Ford said:
No, it hasn’t been easy. And as I look at life it seems the most important things aren’t easy.
It’s funny at holidays and when we are together, the boys are usually the majority vote. But now with Nikki and Heather, with their very strong personalities, I get to win once in awhile. Or at least give them a run for their money.
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September 2, 2009
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Shannon Vannatter said:
Hey Dawn,
What a wonderful story. Got teary-eyed. I checked out your website. Oh what a wonderful work God has done in you, a willing vessel. I’m proud of you.
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September 2, 2009
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Marlene (aka Marlo) said:
Dawn, you are their mother in every sense that counts. I’m sure it wasn’t easy, but it was certainly worthwhile. You’re one good, patient woman.
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September 2, 2009
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Dawn Ford said:
Thank you, Shannon. It’s been a journey.
Marlene, I’m not sure how patient I am. I can be pretty stubborn. God does keep working at that beattitude in me though.
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September 2, 2009
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Kim said:
You know, I’ve often heard that God ALWAYS answer prayers. Sometimes the answer is “yes”. Sometimes it’s “no”. And sometimes, it’s “not right now”.
I’d say His “not right now” answer was exactly what both you and your girls needed.
Kim
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September 2, 2009
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Kav said:
Wonderful and faith-inspiring. God always seems to have a plan if we’re just patient enough!
Kav
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September 2, 2009
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Dawn Ford said:
I agree Kim. God is the master of surprises. And as Kav stated, we just have to wait for it to all unfold before us.
By the way, don’t let my story fool you. I wanted daughters. But I wouldn’t trade my sons for anything in the world. Each of them is an amazing gift of God.
A sign on my living room wall says it all: “We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.”
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September 3, 2009
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Linda Fulkerson said:
What a touching story, Dawn. It brought tears to my eyes. I’m so glad God put you in the lives of those precious girls.
My parents were houseparents at a Christian children’s home for 18 years, and I’ve seen how kids can turn out if they feel their family doesn’t care about them. It’s so sad that so many your girls loved died throughout their lives, but still, your entire family pitched in to take care of them, and that’s admirable.
I have been blessed with an awesome daughter, and we, too, butt heads. A lot! But she’s my best friend in so many ways. I have a great son, too, but that mother/daughter bond is a special one.
I’m glad you have the daughters you asked for. And I’m so glad that they have you!